The Magic of Good Therapy

When I’m working with a client there are moments when I wish, more than anything, I could go back in time and protect them from the trauma they experienced or the harmful beliefs they’ve internalized. 

That particular magic doesn’t exist, but there’s another kind that does. And if I can’t go back in time and stop the harm, I can, in this present moment, help my client transform their pain into understanding, healing and self compassion.

This alchemy is achieved with the most ordinary of tools: solid, compassionate presence, gentle curiosity and openness to growth and change.

A good therapist is present, embodied and attuned to her client. She is unconditionally accepting.

She works to see the world through her client’s eyes and to understand the meaning they’ve made of their experiences. She brings her education, tools and a commitment to learning all she can about the specific needs of her client. 

A good therapist provides a research informed, highly attuned, loving mirror. This can be a transformative experience, especially for those of us who grew up in homes where our mirrors weren’t always compassionate or attuned. 

A good therapist makes space for all of her client’s feelings, she provides emotional support and care while gently and respectfully challenging that which no longer works for her client.

A good therapist reflects back to her clients the essence of who they are through a loving lens. It is this unconditional acceptance and care that create the fertile ground for the seedlings of change. 

This relationship building, getting to know the people I work with and falling in love with them is a privilege and a delight for me. I see my clients as a mother might see her child, unique, delightful, flawed in ways that make perfect sense, and so full of the innate potential to overcome struggles and firmly establish the best path forward for themselves.